


Crossfire

by seathehorizon



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - The Most Beautiful Moment In Life | HYYH, Angst, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, First Time, Growing Up, Includes spoilers for the Notes 2, Inspired by The Most Beautiful Moment In Life | HYYH, Jungkook is confused, M/M, Mild Smut, Probably makes more sense if you've read the Notes 2, Set after Jungkook's graduation, The Most Beautiful Moment In Life | HYYH, This ignores the epilogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:08:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26779381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seathehorizon/pseuds/seathehorizon
Summary: Loving Yoongi came easy. They had first met in high school, Yoongi being a little older, Jeongguk younger and impressionable. For whatever reason, he had been fascinated with Yoongi from the start: the rebellious teenager who didn't give a shit, except he did.Jeongguk felt safe around him, even when he wasn't.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Min Yoongi | Suga
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42
Collections: Yoonkook Fic Fest





	Crossfire

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [yoonkookfest](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/yoonkookfest) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Jungkook looked at Yoongi as if he had strung up all the stars in the sky. But he hadn't.

Loving Yoongi came easy. They had first met in high school, Yoongi being a little older, Jeongguk younger and impressionable. For whatever reason, he had been fascinated with Yoongi from the start: the rebellious teenager who didn't give a shit, except he did.

He protected Jeongguk when he felt it was needed, he was gentle with him, brusque around the edges, yet Jeongguk could see past that. He comforted him with his piano, never once complaining that Jeongguk was there, even allowing him to sit beside him and steadfastly ignoring the way Jeongguk would stare at him, offering to teach him when Jeongguk became restless, _noticing_ his restlessness.

Jeongguk felt safe around him, even when he wasn't.

Yoongi was fire and Jeongguk was sure he could turn him into a smoulder. Yoongi never made him feel small, but treated him as a significant part of his life - perhaps even more so than their other friends, who were so clearly dear to him too. There was something special between them, and it hadn’t taken long for Jeongguk to wish Yoongi would love him. _Could_ love him. He curled into him and up to him, hoping desperately to make a place for himself right there by Yoongi's side and inside his heart.

Things eventually changed. Yoongi was expelled, the others graduated, Seokjin moved away, and their little group fell apart, faster than expected. As much as he had tried to cling to Yoongi and to those brief moments of happiness, it hadn’t been enough, and he wondered if he ever would be. After all, if his family could abandon him so easily, then what was even the point?

He breathed out through his nose and tapped Yoongi's chest, which he rested his head on, listening to his steady heartbeat. There was quiet between them and Jeongguk wasn't sure he was even welcome, but Yoongi hadn't sent him away and had simply looked at him when he shoved open his door after their awkward last encounter, still conflicted, angry and insecure. Yoongi had scooted over on his bed, a silent invitation, and Jeongguk had taken his place beside him.

He was older now than he had been when their laughter echoed through the empty storage room, yet he clearly hadn't learned from his past. Or perhaps he had, but certain things, certain people, were too hard to let go of.

He had barely even questioned Seokjin's reappearance, although he had been wary of him, unsure at the time of he wanted him back though he couldn't pinpoint why, and when Seokjin had emphasised that only Jeongguk could save Yoongi, he hadn’t even asked any questions, instead listening to where he should go and when. He would always do anything for Yoongi; that, at least, hadn’t changed.

He knew Yoongi was self-destructive, as he was much the same himself, and feeling unworthy was what had made them bond in the first place. Although Jeongguk didn't know exactly why Yoongi had wanted to give up, he understood. And perhaps he was the only one who did, just as Yoongi was the only one who could ever understand Jeongguk’s desire for the same.

Jeongguk swallowed. The mere memory of Yoongi had been the main reason Jeongguk hadn’t stepped off the ledge that time, but what if Yoongi had wanted to stay aflame? He didn’t regret saving him, but he did wonder if he should have been the one to do so after all. Yoongi was a fire, and a fire dies when it's put out. Jeongguk had been the one to douse the flames.

He knew he was looking for excuses, because it was _Yoongi_ , and even when he hurt him, he would accept the pain and cherish it. Hoseok had told him in the hospital that Yoongi didn't deserve him, a statement that had been concerning and possibly true, though Jeongguk would never admit it. Jeongguk had always assumed none of them knew the true extent of his relationship with Yoongi; he was fairly certain, for example, that as much as Seokjin knew they were close, he had never fully understood them.

Hoseok, on the other hand, seemed to be more observant. Which unfortunately also meant he could see how upset Jeongguk had been that Yoongi never visited him after his accident. At one point he had been sure he had spotted him, together with Jimin, yet they had both pretended differently and lied to him, ignored his existence. Did Jeongguk matter that little? (Unless he was afraid he'd set Jeongguk on fire by being near him.)

Either way, call him a fool, but he had wanted to see Yoongi again, to hold him, to trust him. It had been hard to stay away, though Yoongi might not even have noticed his absence. He used to be here often, feeling uncomfortable and unwanted at home, yet never at Yoongi's. Even when it seemed like Yoongi didn't want him there, he did. Even when they fought, he cared.

Once, before everything had fallen apart, Yoongi had been playing music for him to cheer him up and Jeongguk- Jeongguk had kissed him. Swept in, swept up in the moment. Yoongi's lips had been slightly chapped and the kiss had been clumsy, Jeongguk having no clue what to do and copying what he'd seen from others. Yoongi hadn’t reciprocated immediately, but when Jeongguk started to pull back, he had placed his hand on Jeongguk’s cheek and led him to something more controlled and less desperate, yet every bit as eager.

They hadn't talked about it afterwards. In fact, once they had parted, with Jeongguk's lips still tingling and him licking them as though trying to capture the memory of his very first kiss, Yoongi had turned away from him and mumbled that he needed to leave. Ever since then they had pretended, though not very well.

Or too well.

Jeongguk watched Yoongi flick that lighter of his and pressed his lips together. There was so much he wanted to say. He wanted to ask why Yoongi had avoided him, he wanted to tell him he loved him, he wanted to talk about the accident and Seokjin and the party, if it could even be called that. He wanted explanations, but most of all, right this moment, he wanted Yoongi's presence. He had tried to hate him, was convinced he did, but in the end, Yoongi's warmth soothed him as it used to.

He slid his hand under Yoongi's shirt and rested it on Yoongi’s soft belly. Frustration made him scratch at the skin, just hard enough for Yoongi to suck in his breath through his teeth and grab his hand.

"Jeongguk…"

Jeongguk glanced up at him, seeing those sharp eyes look back, curious and warning. Jeongguk raised his eyebrows and curled his fingers. "You never minded before," he reminded him. Not that he had ever been able to touch exactly the way he had wanted to, but this wasn't new.

"We haven't even spoken in so long," Yoongi told him, loosening his grip.

Jeongguk shrugged, his fingers dancing to the top of Yoongi’s jeans. "We don't need to talk now either." Words were meaningless, that much he had learned. Lies, lies, lies. It was much easier to pretend when people didn't speak. Their actions meant more, although not so much recently, Jeongguk supposed. All he knew was that he'd never hear Yoongi tell him he loved him and he hadn’t done a great job showing it either, not over the past few weeks, or perhaps ever, but maybe this could be the way. Their way.

Yoongi gripped Jeongguk’s wrist and shook his head. "Not like this," he reprimanded him gently.

Jeongguk tongued his cheek, his skin burning where Yoongi was touching him. His touch was soft, like he was scared of breaking him. Which was especially funny considering the harsh ways he had touched him in the past, when their fighting had gotten out of hand and they had both ended up bruised and battered (even then Jeongguk had been unable to let go).

"But you'd be fine with it otherwise?"

Yoongi clenched his jaw and then released Jeongguk’s hand so he could place his fingertips on Jeongguk’s cheek. He stared at Jeongguk until he squirmed. "Would you?"

Jeongguk frowned and sat up, Yoongi's hand falling down limply. Wasn't the answer obvious? Why was everyone so convinced he was a child who didn't know anything, not even his own mind? He moved to get off the bed, Yoongi sitting up as he did, his hair distractingly fluffy. He was embarrassed and lonely and he knew Yoongi was right: this wasn't how it should happen, if it should happen at all.

"Hey…" Yoongi sounded awkward and Jeongguk knew he didn't want to hear what he had to say. He made his way to the door and put his shoes back on, keeping his back to Yoongi the entire time. Coming here had been a mistake.

"Don't," he said bluntly. He paused with his hand on the door handle and took a deep breath. "I wouldn’t have…" He waved his free hand and tilted his head towards Yoongi. "Not if you didn't want to. I just-" _wanted to feel like I mattered._

He could feel Yoongi's eyes on him and shuffled his feet before pulling the door open. As he stepped outside, he heard a soft "I know".

He didn't know anything.

Jeongguk was determined to return to the PC room and cut himself off completely. He had tried to connect and ended up feeling worse, guilt now added to his mess of emotions. What exactly had he thought would happen? He hadn’t lied, he would have never done anything without Yoongi's consent. However, he had misread the entire situation and he hated himself for it. Like he needed more hatred in his heart.

In any case, his plan had failed. When he left home a few days later and made his way to what had become his second home, he encountered Yoongi. He averted his eyes, intent on passing him by unnoticed, but Yoongi stopped in front of him, holding his bag of food and nodding for Jeongguk to follow him. And Jeongguk did.

He accepted a bottle of beer and recalled the last time Yoongi had handed him alcohol, the accusations he had thrown in his face. The denial. He had claimed it was all about the piano for him and it had nothing to do with Yoongi himself, but that had been the biggest lie he had told so far. He was uncertain whether Yoongi had believed him or not, though knowing him, he likely did.

He peeled the label off his bottle and munched on the chicken Yoongi had brought home. The silence was stifling, yet Yoongi seemed unbothered, shoving food into his mouth and nudging the rest Jeongguk’s way. Then again, he had always been better at hiding his emotions than Jeongguk was.

"I recorded this," Yoongi suddenly said, reaching for his phone and tapping it until it played a familiar song. "I did it to help Seokjin hyung," Jeongguk felt himself go cold at those words, "but it wasn't just for him. This song is a memory for all of us, and something else for some."

He put the phone down and slumped back against his bed, the notes travelling through the room and through Jeongguk's mind until he felt like crying. Memories of the most beautiful moments of his life, and the most painful ones. Jeongguk sighed shakily and, after a few more drinks, he curled up on the floor with his head in Yoongi's lap. He stared ahead as Yoongi's fingers ran through his hair. He wished he could understand.

When Jeongguk checked the group chat (why hadn't he left it yet?), he saw that Taehyung was asking them all to meet up. He contemplated ignoring the request, but the fact he had bothered to look meant he wasn't as unaffected as he liked to pretend. He glared at Seokjin's affirmative response and resisted the urge to smash his phone.

Yoongi was going too. Jeongguk couldn't deny he'd like to see him again, even though they had seen each other often ever since Jeongguk had fallen asleep on Yoongi's lap. The next day he had lingered outside Yoongi's building, where Yoongi had found him. They had walked together, over to the river, speaking little and softly, mostly in the form of reminiscing.

Still, despite the frequency of their meetings, neither of them had brought up the accident or their behaviour afterwards, or Jeongguk making a move. What they did do was lie in bed, resting and whispering, if they spoke at all, or Jeongguk would listen to Yoongi playing the piano, his arms around Yoongi's waist as he watched his fingers move along the keys, ignoring Yoongi's halfhearted grumbling that he was in the way.

He didn't know what was happening between them. He didn't know if anything was, or if Yoongi simply pitied him.

"Long time no see, Jeongguk," Taehyung said as he plopped down beside him, offering him a wide grin. "I'm glad you came." Yoongi was on the other side of the room, listening intently to something Jimin was telling him. Jeongguk wished he'd come back. He no longer knew how to talk to his friends who weren't Yoongi. Least of all to Seokjin, whom he didn't think he even classed as a friend anymore, though he seemed to be trying hard to be accepted.

Jeongguk shrugged. He wanted to say that he wasn't here for him, just as none of them had bothered to be there for Jeongguk, but that seemed pointless. Harsh, even, even if it weren’t untrue. And so he chose to stay silent.

Taehyung chose to ignore the hint and slung his arm across Jeongguk’s shoulders. “So… I heard you and hyung have been hanging out a lot recently.” He nodded over at Yoongi and wiggled his eyebrows.

“We always hung out a lot.”

“Not recently,” Taehyung pointed out. “But if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.” He smiled and patted Jeongguk’s shoulder.

_Talk about what?_

“What else have you been up to?”

Jeongguk shrugged, avoiding Taehyung’s curious eyes. Why did he care all of a sudden? Besides, it wasn’t like Jeongguk had anything interesting going on in his life at the moment. He couldn’t tell anyone about Seokjin, because no one would believe him anyway, especially since it had been so long. And he definitely couldn’t speak up about the non-moment between him and Yoongi, because he had a feeling Taehyung would be far too delighted for no reason.

“Nothing, really. You?” He wondered if it sounded like he cared. He wondered if he did care, even just a little.

“I’ve been trying to muster up the courage to see my mother,” Taehyung replied, his eyes dark and distant. “Actually, I’m not sure if it’s courage. Maybe I’m just trying to see if I care enough.”

Jeongguk looked over at him and hated that he was interested. They all knew Taehyung’s home life was shit too, like all of theirs, but in a different way. Where most of them preferred to stay away from their parents, Taehyung seemed to mostly feel anger. He never mentioned his mother, though. “How did you find her?” he asked.

“My uncle.” He sighed and leaned his head back. “I’ve been to her place, but I didn’t approach her. Either she’s happy and I get to continue to hate her, or she’s miserable and I’ll pity her, and I don’t think either outcome will satisfy me.”

Jeongguk nodded. He was very aware of Seokjin being nearby and he could relate. Some days he wondered if he should forgive Seokjin, or confront him, but he wasn’t quite ready for either option. “Maybe just knowing where she is is enough for now,” he suggested.

“Yeah…” Taehyung leaned into him and bumped his head against his. “Hey, I’m honestly glad you came. I know things have been weird, but I care about you and I miss you.”

“Hm…” Jeongguk forced a smile. He didn’t know if he was simply being stubborn or if he only missed the old Taehyung, but he supposed it was kind of nice to be near him again and have his undivided attention. Something that had become unfamiliar to him (excluding Yoongi at the moment, but, again, that was a different matter altogether). “Same.”

He received a grin in return followed by Taehyung fluffing up his hair. “What do you say we get drunk?”

Jeongguk didn’t quite get drunk, or even tipsy, and surprisingly, neither did Yoongi. Once Taehyung had started pouring drinks, Yoongi had sat down with them, his thigh pressed against Jeongguk’s, but he had sipped from the same drink all night. Seokjin had attempted to engage Jeongguk in conversation, while Hoseok had been eyeing him oddly all night, like he was either concerned or scared.

At least Namjoon had been as he always was and Jimin had cuddled Jeongguk a bit once he had had too much. Rather than shoving him away, Jeongguk had returned the hug, figuring that being touch starved was a thing. Who knew, perhaps that had been why he had tried something with Yoongi that time (probably not; although it might have partly been that, it was also very much because it was _Yoongi_ ).

Once the party was over and Hoseok had given him a quick yet firm hug, Jeongguk decided to walk home. Taehyung was much more drunk than he was, though not drunk enough not to grin and throw an exaggerated wink Jeongguk’s way when Yoongi offered to walk with him.

It had been alright. Not quite like the old days, but then, they no longer were the old them. They had even laughed at one point, a true, genuine laugh, and if the sight of Yoongi’s smile had made his heart flutter a little, then no one needed to know. He supposed it had been worth going, and it had actually been nice to have Taehyung confide in him and for Jimin to give him some affection.

He peeked over at Yoongi, who was walking beside him, hands in his pockets. If he went to another get-together, Jeongguk would probably join.

“Do you want to come back to mine?”

Jeongguk blinked. It wouldn’t be the first time he had spent the night at Yoongi’s, so blame Taehyung for putting ideas in his head, but he took a moment to answer anyway. “If you’re sure that’s okay,” he mumbled.

Yoongi rolled his eyes and nudged Jeongguk with his elbow. "It's always okay," he answered dryly.

The alternative was spending the night at home or in a PC room, and neither were particularly appealing anymore. "Then sure." He didn't even realise he was smiling until Yoongi pointed it out, which was when he tried to hide it.

"Don't," Yoongi said, nudging him again. "It's nice to see you happier."

Things like this were why Jeongguk kept coming back. It wasn't even about the words, it was about the feeling. And boy, did Yoongi always get him feeling something.

They continued on in a comfortable silence Jeongguk was sure only the two of them were capable of. Jeongguk kicked off his shoes once Yoongi opened his door and he dropped down on the bed, sighing in relief at being home. His eyes flew open. Home?

He watched Yoongi move around the room and rummage for some clothes for bed, and he wondered when, exactly, this had become home for him. Or, should he say: had become home _again_. He flinched when a large shirt hit his face. He plucked it off and blinked over at Yoongi.

“You can change into that.”

Jeongguk groaned, far too comfortable, but he knew he’d regret falling asleep like this. He rolled out of bed and shuffled into the bathroom, where he went about his business, finishing with changing into Yoongi’s shirt. It was an oversized one, even big on Jeongguk, and Jeongguk wondered if it was one of the ones he had left here in the past. Yoongi hadn’t given him pants, but Jeongguk didn’t mind wearing just his underwear. After all, it was just Yoongi. No big deal.

“Thanks,” he mumbled when he re-entered the room, receiving a hum in return and then Yoongi was off to use the bathroom instead. He had already changed into his own sleepwear, some long pants and a shirt, and Jeongguk watched him go before shaking himself and crawling under the covers. He was already drifting off to sleep when Yoongi joined him, startling him when he slung his arm over Jeongguk’s waist and pressed up against him from the back.

“Ridiculous,” he muttered into Jeongguk’s hair.

Jeongguk strained his neck to try to look behind him. “What is?”

The answer was unintelligible and Jeongguk shrugged it off. He shut his eyes, revelling in the warmth Yoongi was emanating. It was nice, being held. He felt oddly safe and reached down for Yoongi’s hand. He pressed his face into the pillow when Yoongi tangled their fingers together.

“Your hair is very fluffy nowadays,” Yoongi suddenly said. He ran his nose along Jeongguk’s nape and squeezed his hand. “Smells nice too.”

Jeongguk swallowed, his eyes wide open and his breathing quickening. What was going on? “I thought you weren’t drunk,” Jeongguk said, aware that his voice wasn’t nearly as stable as he would have liked.

“‘m Not. Just been thinking.”

Jeongguk bit down on his lip, his face hot. “About?”

There was no reply at first. Instead, Yoongi hummed and pressed his lips to Jeongguk’s skin, then again, and again. “Is this okay?” he asked softly, his thumb stroking along Jeongguk’s hand.

“Yeah, yes, yes, it is.” Jeongguk flushed when Yoongi chuckled, unsure whether it was due to embarrassment or due to Yoongi’s hot breath hitting his neck. “Are you sure you want to?” He didn’t want this to be out of pity or convenience, that would hurt far more than flat-out rejection.

“Yes.” He kissed Jeongguk a little harder, his lips dragging along his shoulder. “I don’t do things I don’t want to. Sometimes, though, I don’t do things I _do_ want to.”

That was good enough for Jeongguk, as that sounded true for him. And so he laid there as Yoongi nipped at his skin, nosing away his shirt’s collar so he could suck a little mark there. One of Yoongi’s legs slid between Jeongguk’s and Jeongguk could only enjoy the attention. He did wonder why, but then, perhaps it was impossible to time these things so they made sense. He wasn’t complaining, though, and when Yoongi leaned up on his elbow and asked Jeongguk if he could turn his head, he did so eagerly, making a soft noise when their lips met.

It had been a long time since their last kiss and that hadn’t been like this. Sweet, stolen kisses in an old, abandoned classroom weren’t quite the same as these, their history and their growth, even their arguments, adding an extra layer that had been impossible before.

Jeongguk turned over onto his back and Yoongi settled on top of him, his weight pleasant. He wrapped his arms around him and sighed into Yoongi’s mouth when one of his hands slipped under Jeongguk’s shirt to explore his body. Before long, his shirt was gone, soon followed by Yoongi’s, and Jeongguk couldn’t stop trembling.

“Sorry,” he said shakily, looking up with pleading eyes. He didn’t know how far they’d go, but he did know he didn’t want to stop. “Just. Nervous.”

Yoongi shook his head and leaned down for another kiss. “Don’t apologise. If you want to stop-”

“No!” He coughed when Yoongi jumped and tried to tug him down again. “Maybe go slower, that’s all.”

And Yoongi did. He was slow in touching him, slow in undressing him, slow in preparing him, and Jeongguk felt like he was floating by the time Yoongi slid inside of him. He whimpered and threw his head back, vaguely wondering if he felt this warm because Yoongi’s fire was spreading. He was starting to see the appeal and begged for more, willing to be set ablaze.

Fireworks flashed before his eyes, stronger than any he had ever seen before, and he was sure he would explode, turn to dust right here in Yoongi’s arms, beneath him, filled up by his heat.

It was over after hours or seconds and Jeongguk accepted the kisses and soothing touches, the care with which Yoongi handled him and cleaned him before tiredly curling up next to him, his head on Jeongguk’s chest.

And Jeongguk thought he hadn't needed to fear the fire. He had only ever needed to give in to the flames.

Jeongguk took a deep breath. "Hyung?" He licked his lips when Yoongi turned up his eyes, his sleepy eyes turning alert. “I have so much to tell you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I read The Notes 2 while writing and decided to refuse to acknowledge the ending. So here we go! Many references to HYYH, but with a happy/open ending because Yoonkook deserve it.
> 
> Also, feel free to come find me on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/sea_thehorizon). 💜


End file.
